Cute little guy, isn't he? If you look closely, you can almost see the anguish in his face. You see, this is no ordinary Christmas penguin, oh no, this one has had a rough season, in deed.
The old man and I put up his prized decorations on Saturday, two days after Thanksgiving. When he got up to take the dogs out around 7:30, he discovered that this pudgy little penguin wasn't where he was supposed to be. He had been (literally) ripped from his station in the front yard. What you can't see in this picture is the 50 feet of green vinyl coated chain that connects our decorations to each other and the house, to prevent theft (or so we thought). The culprits had to rip the eyelets out of the penguin's ass to get him out of our yard. We weren't happy. The responding police officer was amused (no doubt) and confused that someone was successful in stealing one of our decorations with our theft prevention methods.
Well, not being the sort to be easily defeated, we promptly went to the local Home Depot and purchased an identical penguin to replace the kidnapped waterfowl. For a couple of weeks, he peacefully stood guard with the other lawn inflatables, cheerfully greeting visitors during this festive season. That abruptly ended with a phone call from my stepdaughter, indicating that the penguin was slumped over in the yard, and it looked as though his belly had been slashed open. I'm going to assume that either someone in our neighborhood hates penguins, or that the theives had returned to the scene of the crime to murder the new guy. Either way, this attack happened in broad daylight. The rogues are getting more daring.
So, what are our choices now? Spend $20 to buy another penguin, or patch this one up so it lasts the rest of the season. We chose the latter, and were out in the front yard with a flashlight and a roll of duct tape sealing the wound in our little trooper's abdomen. Well, the duct tape held...until today...
OK, so I tend to sleep in when I'm not working (sue me), and I was nudged from my sleep at the crack of 11:00 AM by a phone call from my beloved husband. Apparently, our villians had returned once more to exact their revenge to our arrogance by ripping the duct tape from our battered penguin's body. So there I was, in my front yard, needle & thread in hand to stitch up the gaping wound. Let me tell you, it wasn't even in the neighborhood of easy to sew this thing up. But he is, once again, cheerfully waving to passersby with a smile, and a jagged scar.
If I could figure out how, he'd be doing a one-fingered wave until he comes down next week...
5 comments:
We penguins are hard to defeat!
See, what you really need is a paintball gun and a duck blind off to the side of the house.
Not a bad idea, Buzz. Now, replace that paintball gun with a tazer...now we're talking!
Yeah, I was thinking of the fun of being able to shoot them till you ran out of paintballs but I guess kicking them after they're good and tazered would work just as well.
And, since apparently winter isn't coming to Ohio this year, we have plenty of rain instead. So, when the fucker starts floundering about in the wet grass, maybe that can ramp it up a little bit.
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